Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The need for companionship is overwhelming.

Well I have another headache, but this time I don't know whether it really is from crying, or from dehydration. Also I'm really warm, which is unusual for me; normally I am cold and prefer being cold. I wonder if I am becoming sick?

On the note of crying, my great-grandma's funeral was today. I had thought I was done with crying; I cried tons Thursday and a bit Friday, but nothing since then. Of course as soon as the pastor started praying, I started bawling and didn't stop for pretty much the entire service. My mom was prepared of course, and had Kleenex with her. It was hard, but I never could have made it if Leanne wasn't there. So right now I want to say this: Leanne, you are amazing! Thank you so much for being there for me. Words cannot express how much that meant to me : D You are definitely in need of a present! Anyway, I didn't got to the burial because I honestly has no interest. I'm glad I did, because it was very relaxing being home by myself. (My mom stayed at Jake's up in Portland afterwards.)

I attempted to work on my to-do list today, but only got one thing halfway done. I just don't have the desire to do anything.

Yesterday I babysat my future step sister. I was only supposed to watch her from 9 until about 1, but family members who were coming to the funeral got lost so my dad went to help them and I watched Cassie until 5:30 instead. I love her to death, but as the day dragged on she was getting so aggravating. I was glad to be done! I'm watching her again tomorrow, but only for a few hours as my dad is only going to Salem this time and not Portland. I'm also possibly watching her on Friday as well. If anyone is interested in helping watch a 5 year old, let me know! I run out of things to keep her busy. : )

I'm really hungry today, but there is nothing healthy in the house except for things I'd have to cook on the stove and it's too hot in the house for me to cook anything yet. I guess I'll have to wait a bit. : /

I'm looking up counseling stuff for me, and have only found online stuff and a really expensive boarding house so far. I am in need of ideas, so if you have any let me know.

Well I suppose that is all for today. I have decided to try and include a random French word that is one my mind at the end of each post, so here's the first one!

ciel - heaven

I am not sure if my grandma really is in heaven. She said she was a Christian, but as far as I know she only believed in good works. It's really hard not knowing.


  1. If I think of anything I'll let you know. :)

  2. Ariel~ I'm glad that you are looking into counseling, but I would suggest asking pastor Nate or Pastor Jerry for ideas or any family or friends who know a good counselor. I would suggest the counselor that I went to, but she specilizes in things that i have dealt with (if ya know what i mean). Anyway, I love you and I really hope that you choose to see a counselor, they could help you alot. Beleive me, I know. Stick with it. Luv ya, Rachel


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