Sunday, September 20, 2009

My mind is spinning...

I have a lot on my mind right now.

I realized for the first time today, I really don't know what I want to do with my life. Science? Yeah I love it, but do I really want to be in front of tons of kids each day telling them how to do it? Computers? Oh yeah, but I'm not sure I could deal with PC over Mac. What do I really want to do? I honestly don't know. God, I need some serious help.

I should be doing my paper right now, but I have no desire. I know vaguely what I want to write, but I have 40 minutes until Nicki's here and with my luck, I'll just start getting it when she comes. Why does college have to be so lame?

I know a few of my closest friends (BB and LB, you know who you are!) are a bit upset/disappointed/frustrated with me right now, but I don't know how I can fix that. My mother doesn't think anything is wrong, no matter what I tell her. I'm don't know what to do.

D-Day is coming. 4 days. I haven't cried about it in awhile, but I know once it comes, I'll be crying... But I almost wonder if I'm beginning to accept it. Not that that is a bad thing, but I'm wondering how such an emotional person like me can accept something so impacting before it even happens. I know I will accept it someday, but I'm not sure now is that time. Too many things are happening, and I just feel like all my life support systems are being pulled out one by one and I'm dying. I know I'll be fine eventually, but that's really going to take a long, long, time.

Well, now that I have the first paragraph of my paper written, I suppose I should start writing. Tonight is the last night our whole group will be together for a long time, and I know I'm going to cry. But life goes on, and not everyone is a part of it.

Have a nice day, night, week, month, year, and life. : )

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