The one thing I have been avoiding has happened.
...I've officially been diagnosed with depression.
It sounds funny. It shouldn't be a big deal.
But it is.
I don't want to be labeled.
I know, I know.
"Depression isn't a label!" It doesn't define you." "You're so much more than that!"
I've spent half of my life fighting this; trying to convince myself this isn't who I am. But now it's clear it's entirely who I am.
I'm going to try and come to terms with this diagnosis. I'm going to have to, after all. It's not going away anytime soon.
A day later, I'm doing better. I'm less shell-shocked than I was. After all, I went in just to talk about counseling; I wasn't expecting to leave with a diagnosis. However, I'm realizing that this isn't just who I am. I am more than this. I can get through this, with my own strength, God's strength, and the support of my friends and family. I will not let this define me.
So what now?
My doctor has a referral in for counseling, hopefully in the next couple of weeks since my cutting is still an issue. She also ordered some labs centered around my fatigue to see if it is from the depression or if it's something else, such as a lack of some nutrient.
I will still live my life. I will still push on. And I will get better. Day by day.